This whole weekend was a bad day. The trouble was I tried to hold it all together.
I don’t know how much I’ve told you about my health issues but one of things I can’t do is eat too many carbohydrates. When I eat too many carbohydrates or wheat products my body reacts badly. I get bloated, I break out, my muscles feel stiff, and my mood goes from rom com status to suspense real quick, like within a day.
The trouble is that carbs are SOOOO GOOOODDDD!! So I sometimes just don’t stop myself. And then it inevitably happens. It hits my body first, then my brain. The negative thoughts, the irritability, the hopelessness, the overwhelm…
I’m not sure why I let it happen over and over again. I guess it’s just difficult to control for me.
I wasn’t feeling the health food this last week so I let myself go- and it sucked. Everything was getting to me. Issues that I thought I’d accepted gnawed at my patience. Trying to do all the mom stuff and the wife stuff felt like it was too much to handle. I should have taken a day off, told my husband I needed some time- but I didn’t.
Today ended with some mean words to my kids and me not even wanting to sleep in the same house as my family. I mentally shouted at the universe, “Can someone just give me a break??”
In my defense, there was A LOT to be annoyed about. Including but not limited to: certain house rules that aren’t being respected, disagreements between my husband and I, feeling let down by a certain friend, and this house with all it’s fixer upper quirks that I keep on trying, for the love of God, to be happy in because with inflation there’s no way we’re getting a mortgage payment like this again. And to add insult to injury, I can’t even get my dopamine hit from a package of my favorite chocolate chip cookies without feeling like an 80 year old woman who shouldn’t have eaten last week’s spaghetti. It sucks.
Lately it just feels like I’ve been doing all the giving, and there isn’t always a quick return with mothering and wife-ing.
But… if I had just said I need a break today, maybe it all wouldn’t feel so heavy. So tomorrow I’m taking a mental health day. Maybe make that two days. Because at the very least, by now, I know that not only do I need it, but I deserve it.
I know a lot of moms are having a hard time and can’t take the day off. I’ve been there, believe me. I wish I could be there for you in some way. For now all I can say is, every day do something for you. No matter how small it is. We’re in it together.
With much love and encouragement,
LC VENEGAS XOXO