Why You SHOULDN’T “Be More Positive”

Hello my amazing readers! I’m so happy to get to write these posts right now. I’m banging out a few to keep on hand lol. It’s late and my 2 year old is sick but I somehow found a little time to write. FINALLLY!!! So much has been going on and I have an announcement that I’ll get to later in this post so stay tuned! lol


Let’s get to the point of this post! I wrote down the idea awhile back but never got to writing an actual post about it. The thing is, I noticed a loongg time ago that there was something called “Toxic Positivity”. I didn’t know what it was called back then, all I knew was that it didn’t feel good. It didn’t feel good that when I was upset or hurting people would tell me to look on the bright side, or be grateful for the good things in life, or to “just be positive”.

Toxic positivity is when something is truly wrong and the answer you, or people around you, give yourself is to just ignore it and keep a positive attitude. Usually the goal is for others around you to not feel uncomfortable. Like if you have depression and people tell you to just cheer up (speaking from personal experience). So why is this wrong? Because that is not how problems get solved. It is not how you grow as a person. And, news flash!- it doesn’t make you feel better! “Negative” feelings should be acknowledged head on and processed through. This will release anything that needs to be released. It will also trigger change. Sometimes problems need to be solved with others, and sometimes they need to be solved within ourselves. Either way, ignoring the truth that you are hurting, does NOT help.

That doesn’t mean that we go around mistreating others. We can almost always speak kindly and respectfully. ALMOST always. So what can a person do instead of pretending that they feel just fine in the midst of being upset?

Think process, not positivity.

Here are 5 ways to process your emotions when life isn’t going your way:

  1. Talk to a therapist. I will forever be an advocate for therapy. If you can talk to someone who has a confidentiality agreement, and has actual training to help you, why wouldn’t you?
  2. Journal. This is a great way to get everything off your chest. It makes you feel lighter inside once it’s all out, and you can think more clearly when you’re done.
  3. Screaming. No, not screaming at people lol. Literal screaming with no words. I did some “scream therapy” on my own recently when my husband took the kids to the store. Thank goodness I live in the country and could scream as loudly as I wanted. Screaming helps your body to release built up tension. There are even scream therapy workshops you can go to. This is great if you can’t put into words why you’re upset or you don’t want to talk about it.
  4. Learn to communicate more directly and be more assertive. There are many times in life when direct, assertive communication is needed. If something feels off, maybe you haven’t been expressing yourself authentically.
  5. Come to a place of empowerment. Sometimes it feels like our life is out of our control. This can be so frustrating. But try to focus on what you can control, no matter how little. Then start making choices in that area that make you feel good, or at least better. You’ll be surprised to see how much of a difference a few small changes can make in your life.

Alright lovelies, I hoped this helped! Leave a comment and let me know your favorite way to deal with stress!

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