The Portland Save-cation And Asking My Husband If He Wants A Divorce

Portland is one of my favorite weekend getaway spots. Luckily my husband thought that we needed time away from the house and decided to take us there for a weekend. We left the older kids with his sister and just took the dogs and the baby. It was definitely just what the doctor ordered. As you know I haven’t been at my best these last couple months and my husband saw that. I’m so grateful that he put in the effort to help ease the tension that was arising at home. Even though we did get off to a bit of a rocky start with me not being ready on time and him being super uptight about getting on the road exactly at 10:30am (ANNOYING!), I tried not to let it get to me and we ended up enjoying the 2.5 hour ride, especially since Liano slept most if the way. Once there I felt sooo relaxed. Nothing on my to do list but enjoy myself, and take care of the dogs and the baby of course. But it sure was a different experience having my husband with me every second helping me with them. I loved and reveled in every minute of that. Except when my husband took a 2 hour nap right at the baby’s cranky time, grrrr. We spent our weekend munching on food and snacks, catching up on 90 day fiance, and seeing the sights. It was a great time!

So if you don’t know what a “save-cation” is, it’s a trip you go on to save your relationship. People often do this when they’re on the brink of divorce. Since we weren’t, this was more of a reset for me. For my husband, according to him, it was just a weekend to release stress. Either way it was a good way to reconnect. We didn’t argue and I took some time to observe our interactions to see what might be missing at home. Here are a few things I learned about my husband and our relationship:

(P.S Swipe to the bottom for 6 tips on taking a save-cation!)

He’s helpful. Despite the fact that I complained about not being supported, during our vacation my husband did everything from caring for the baby, to walking the dogs, to wiping down the picnic table before I set my food down. Why don’t I notice these things at home? Probably because he’s so busy with other things. Can those things just go away? Nope. But I think it’s important to reassess how we manage things at home for the sake if our relationship. Thankfully he’s been trying to make sure he puts in the time he needs to with the kids and household.

I need to perfect my push-back game. My husband is the type of person who takes no shit and likes getting his way. I don’t like confrontation or arguing, This often leaves me with the short end of the stick when I want something and he couldn’t care less about it. During our weekend vacation I experimented with the art of the push back. I realize I need to make sure my needs are met so I don’t feel resentment build up, My husband only understands how important something is to me when I “push back” if he says no. If I don’t he assumes I don’t care.

Our time without kids is something I can look forward too. Sometimes I wonder what will become of us someday when we don’t have the kids keeping us partnered in this never ending two person project called parenthood. My husband and I don’t have a ton in common and I sometimes imagine us living very separate lives once the kids are on their own. Over the weekend I was reminded of how he always has a clever joke and is eager for new experiences. I can always count on him for sound advice and it’s nice having someone there to be your backup when you’re feeling unsure, or just want to make fun of the passerbyers- I mean people watch.

My Husband’s Perspective:

Why did you plan the Save-cation? I planned this save-cation to help us relax, to help us rekindle our love ( he snickers), to get away. And (more seriously now) I just believe that everybody, every couple, deserves a little getaway and it’s been awhile since we had one.

What was the experience like for you? Refreshing, re-energized when I came back. Mind was clear for that weekend, de-stressed.

What’s something new you learned/relearned about your wife on your weekend trip? I learned that she’s not crazy after-all (throws his head back and laughs). That she was just losing her mind because she didn’t have a little tiny save-cation.

What’s something you learned about yourself and your relationship on your weekend trip? I learned that I need to get away from day to day life, activities, day to day household obligations more often. Just get away more often. I learned that we are not at the point of killing ourselves yet, this vacation pretty much helped us not to kill each other.

What’s something you are looking forward to for when you can spend more time alone? Relax, one on one time, time alone, no kids crying or arguing in the background and actually doing stuff I like, not just you. (Me-what do mean just me??)

What is her most annoying trait/habit? Ahh she’s got so many, where do I start. One thing that’s super annoying is that she forgets her phone and keys and everything she owns somewhere and she can never find it. Especially her brush and just loses her mind finding stuff every single time. The other, I could give you like 30 of them, it’s annoying that she cannot say, “No” to everything like when people need something. I could go on and on but I’ll stop for the sake of both of us…syke I don’t have a lot, just like 5

If you could change anything about your wife what would it be? Nothing, she’s perfect. But I would help her with her memory loss.

What about your wife makes you happy you married her? Her goals and ambitions, we are set to become millionaires. (Me- so it’s all about the money?) And she’s a good person.

Do you secretly want a divorce? (Laughing) I am secretly not gonna tell you.

Anything you want to add? I wouldn’t change her for the world.

Portland

Where We Stayed

University Place Hotel. Right in downtown Portland, clean, well priced, pet friendly, and best of all- FREE BREAKFAST BUFFET

Where We Ate:

Mariscos Las Islas Marias- Great little mexican restaurant. I got the camerones zarandeados which is a marinated grilled shrimp. Babe got ceviche of course. The servings were large and the food tasty.

Best Taste Of India- We don’t eat Indian food much so this was a treat. Since we were at the Saturday Market we had a bunch of choices and samosas and chicken tikka masala were calling to me. It was delish.

Dona Lola- This what babe got at the market. Although he wasn’t satisfied, I thought they were good. Unfortunately the prices won’t have us returning.

Cacao- Chocolate snobs this is your place. I skipped the $16 chocolate bars and got a pear clove truffle with the classic dark French drinking chocolate and a scoop of Salt and Staw’s Olive Oil ice cream which I proceeded to pour my drinking chocolate over. Altogether I spent 12 bucks. It was decadent. I’ll be returning for the trio, a sampler of the 3 drinking chocolates they serve. The only down side is they don’t have whipped cream!

The Sights:

Cathedral Park- Gorgeous park located right under St. John’s Bridge, which is beautiful, especially at night. The dogs had a great time running around here too. It was the perfect place for a morning stroll.

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Portland Saturday Market- We have so much fun here! Outdoor market right on the waterfront with vendors selling art, food, and anything else you can think of, what’s not to love? Runs weekends March through December

Finnegan’s Toys and Gifts- We love this toy store! They have a great selection and the best part is they have toys the kids can play with while you’re shopping. There’s a train table and a bunch of other cool kids gadgets throughout. Liano rode a little bike all over the store

Powell’s Books- It’s a busier place than it looks. This is the kinda place where you lose track of time. There’s a cafe/coffee room inside which is great. Use the bathroom somewhere else because the lines are crazy. But other than that, every book lover should see this place!

So dear readers, this post has come to an end. If there’s anything I learned from this experience it’s that you should go on lots of save-cations BEFORE you need them 😘.

Here are my top 6 tips for your next save-cation!

  1. Go somewhere fun. DUHH. But you want to be in a place where can let loose and enjoy yourself.
  2. Don’t spend too much money on it. If things go wayward with your partner then you’ll be pissed that you shelled out thousands of dollars on a shitty vacation. Go somewhere low key and close to home in case, worst case scenario, you feel like you want to go home asap.
  3. Do some self evaluation and inner work before you go. It’s not the time to let out all your resentments and frustrations on them. Get all your frustrations out in your journal before hand so you can have a clear mind. If things need to be discussed focus on solutions and not problems. Instead of “You never help me at home!” try, “I feel like we both need to feel more supported at home, how do you think we can achieve that?”
  4. Go without the kids if possible, if you can’t, still go. We had to take our baby but if there was another way it would have been ideal to go without kids or dogs. That being said, don’t hold off just because you have to bring the baby. It’s more important to spend the time together than waiting for the perfect circumstances.
  5. Think of the bigger picture. For me the bigger picture was that some things come to an end, the kids will grow up and the house will be not be messy forever, I will not always not have time for myself- these things will end. Some things will forever be important, like my need to feel supported and my husband’s need to decompress, these are the things we focused on.
  6. Ask what they need in your relationship. Sometimes we are so angry at our spouse for what they are/aren’t doing, we don’t think to ask them if something is wrong or missing from the relationship for them. This question can set your relationship on a whole new path.

What do you and your s/o do to reconnect?? Don’t forget to leave me a comment below!

5 Comments

  1. What a great, refreshing, and informative post! We, too, love Portland and Powell’s but what sets this apart is your and your husband’s honesty and willingness to look at your marriage!

    1. For some reason I did not get a notification for this so I apologize for the late reply! Thank you! As a couple who married young, looking critically at our marriage has helped us to grow into better people😊

  2. What a beautiful post. I tried to put myself back to when I was raising my children. This time goes so fast and then they are grown and married and you and your husband are home alone. The best thing we did to stay connected was to have a date night every Friday without fail. We still do this today!

    1. Oh I can’t wait till we are able to have date nights! With the baby so small we don’t tend to have a sitter but it’s definitely something to look forward too!

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