I got this blog post idea from a friend of mine and I’m super late with it, sorry! But stay tuned because I have some really great tips for you guys!
I think when people ask how to spice up a relationship they immediately start thinking about heading to Lovers and putting on a French maid outfit. But if that’s all you do, it will keep your man interested till he gets his, uh, fix, then it’s back to square one. You might be surprised to know that many of the tips I’m about to give you have nothing to do with sex, for some you don’t even need your man around. But I promise you, I can almost guarantee that he will be seeing you in a whole new light.
You might be wondering if I even know what I’m talking about. So yes I’ve read the relationship books and taken a few relationship courses, but more than I know what it takes to turn a hopeless mess into a thriving relationship. I did it. Obviously my husband helped, a little lol. I know what works and what’s BS (hello I statements). With that being said, here are 10 proven ways to keep the spark alive in your relationship.
- Stick to your boundaries. When a relationship is on the rocks, or just getting stale, many women will go into people pleasing mode to try and get their mate to pay attention to them. But staying in tune with your values will make your man respect you more, which will make you seem sexier to him. Don’t be afraid of your man getting mad at you for sticking to your boundaries, there’s nothing a blow job can’t fix anyway. Let me give you some tough love here, as I was given it- men like to fuck women, not doormats.
- Think sensual not sexual. I want you to think of sensuality as indulging all of your senses. It’s the way you take pleasure in them. When you eat something delicious, when your man comes home from work and you melt into his warm hugs, when you take the time to massage scented body oil into your skin- really breathe into these things. This is something men crave to see and feel.
- Appreciate him and be welcoming. I would start this off energetically by thinking good thoughts about your man. Thank him often for his contributions to the household and give him honest compliments. Be open to physical displays of affection. Men often connect through physical touch not talking, so when we push them away because they grab our boob at the wrong moment they feel rejected. Instead of pushing him away try going in for a bear hug. Later you can let him know what kind of touches help you connect.
- Be ever evolving. This is about really living and not just existing. Learn new things, be spontaneous, check out new places, try new flavors. Notice I didn’t say you have to do this with your partner necessarily. Your man will love learning new things about you, it keeps the mystery alive. In order for this to work don’t bombard him with a list of all the cool things you’re doing, rather take the time to enjoy focusing on yourself (even if you have 4 kids tagging along like I do) and let things come up naturally in conversation. The second part to this is changing up the way you interact with him. Call him papi chulo instead of honey, if you’re usually laid back be assertive, change up your appearance. Men love the thrill of the chase and he can never really “catch” you if he’s always learning something new.
- Be the one he can trust with his heart. A man needs a place he can confide his deepest dreams, desires, fears, and pain to. Let him be vulnerable with you and let him know you have his back. Accept and respect him for who he is right now. In order for a man to really trust you, you must also be honest with him about who you are and what your needs are, this creates real intimacy.
- Be touchable. I read this somewhere, I don’t remember the exact wording, but a woman said she wanted her husband to touch her and be more affectionate, and the coach/therapist asked, “Well how touchable are you?”. In other words-do you even want to be touched, do you let people touch you, and if someone did touch you would you enjoy it? Sometimes we feel overwhelmed with life or we feel insecure about our bodies. Do what you need to do to feel good about being touched. Remember that physical touch from your mate is meant to make you feel good. I used to push my husband away when I didn’t shave my legs, now I make sure I always have them smooth enough that it doesn’t make me uncomfortable. Think of it this way, are you a cat that hisses when someone tries to pet it, or a cat that purrs? Be the cat that purrs and he’ll pet you more 😉
- Welcome polarity. If your husband is treating you indifferently, lack of polarity might be to blame. If you’re new to the femininity concept, sexual polarity is when each partner is bringing either more masculine or feminine energy to the relationship. Since most of us have so much going on, we can often get stuck in our masculine energy. Assuming you’re married to a masculine man, this would repel him. Take it from Tony Robbins, “…If two people have a similar sexual polarity, that is, both are more “masculine” or more “feminine,” then the attraction between them will be diminished. But if there is a strong difference, where one is extremely “feminine” and the other partner is “masculine,” then the physical attraction will be maximized…” Some feminine energy attributes are: Being vulnerable and in touch with your emotions, Being present/”in the moment”/spontaneous, Receiving and being open as opposed to “chasing” or controlling. Recommended reading: https://www.giordanatoccaceli.com/giordanatoccaceliblogs/2018/6/23/how-can-i-become-more-feminine
- Be light. Being light means bringing the fun to the relationship. It’s the flirting, joking and laughing, and not weighing him down with everything that’s wrong as soon as you see him every day. This means letting go of resentment. Life is tough, make your relationship a place that you can both feel restored, loved, and ready to face whatever comes at you.
- Make him want to be his best for you. How do you do that? By being your best self for you. If you’re in a long term relationship you’ve both seen each other at your worst, but that doesn’t need to be what you see all the time. Stop giving your man (and your kids) your leftovers and serve him up some of your best self. He deserves it, and it will be so inspiring for him.
- Don’t try too hard. A spark has to happen organically, it’s something we don’t have control over and that’s what makes it special. It’s important to have faith in yourself and your mate that you will always come back to each other. We must leave space for our man to choose and pursue us and allow things to unfold naturally. This is what will really make us feel loved and attracted to him for the long haul.
So there you have it ladies. Now am I saying the spark will never go out? I hear some women say they know that secret. Ummm… I’ll wait to see how they fare when they have a crying infant at home and squished banana all over their clothes (currently me). But what I can say is that even in this state, I still want my man and he still wants me. So get to it!
If you feel taken for granted it’s probably time for a weekend away with your phone on silent. Periodically taking some serious space will give him time to miss you and keep the relationship fresh. The key to this is to ENJOY your weekend away- not check your phone every 5 minutes or wonder what he’s up to. Come back home happy and restored from the enjoyment of your experience and all the love you received from your family and friends. How much time depends on the relationship, for me it’s a couple times a year, for others it might be once a month.
Have some tips for keeping a relationship spicy? Leave a comment below!