Hey lovelies, so while baby ‘Liano is already 3 months, I still don’t feel as settled in as I expected to be by this point. Things are quite different compared to when I had my daughters. Is it a boy thing? When I had my daughters I remember feeling so self assured, like I had already done this a million times. Maybe I’m remembering through rose colored glasses but then again both of them nursed without issue (unlike ‘Liano) and weren’t criers (like ‘Liano is). I also have been through a lot emotionally in the last couple of years what with the move and deciding to really concentrate on dealing with deep rooted issues. But I do feel like I’m finally coming out on the other side. A butterfly out of a cocoon of darkness. I feel free and that’s not something that’s come along for me very often. I’ve changed and I’m happier. I’m still learning and unlearning every day, well when I’m not overly busy with a newborn and 3 to 4 other kids lol. But while I have you here I’m going to share a tip with you on how to be happy, or to find even greater happiness. It’s a simple one (because I am the QUEEN of simple 😉 ), but one that will make a huge difference, so here it goes.
Get Clear On Your Desires…
Oh yes. What is it that makes your heart flutter with excitement? What’s the thing (or things) you would regret dying without doing? How do you want to feel in your life? That’s desire. So many people go through life being unhappy with the way things are in their lives, yet the truth is they don’t know how they even want things to be, which is why they are unable to make the changes necessary to feel content where they are. Getting clear on your desires is a crucial step to transforming your life, so here are a few tips to get you started.
Wants vs Desires
First off let’s get clear on the difference between wants and desires. For the purpose of this blog post a want is trivial. So for example you might want to make out with your crush, but what you desire is deep love. Sometimes your wants can get in the direct way of what you desire: I desire a healthy body and active lifestyle but I really want to eat sugary sweets every day (not talking about anyone in particular here…its me, ssshhhh). Do you see where I’m going with this?
Here’s a little anecdote of a process that helped me get things in perspective. Yesterday in order to keep my kids off the tablets I had to come up with a family activity, which I have to do, you know, like every day lol. I chose Make A VISION BOARD. I had the kids draw or cut out pictures from magazines representing things they want to happen in their life and glue them to a piece of paper, nothing fancy. I also wanted to make one but hubby was nowhere in sight, and by the end of the day scissors around my newborn just wasn’t in my comfort zone. As I waited for my man to show up and rescue me from the weight of carrying around an over 15lb baby all day, I thought about what I wanted to put on my board. The pictures in the magazines got me into that materialistic side of myself and I started wanting to cut out things like “Make Your Bathroom Into An Actual Spa” and “Hire A Fake Assistant” (in order to look more successful) (Also, I was going to remove the fake part but hey you have to start somewhere!). If you have the latest issue of Cosmopolitan then you might know where I was getting these ideas. After a few moments as I was explaining to the kids how they should only add things that are important to them, I asked myself- is what I was planning to add important to me? No. You know what I want to put on my vision board? A picture of my future published book. That’s honestly all that came to mind in that moment, of course I only had a split second to think about it as I was instructing 4 kids at a dinner table with scissors and glue. But anyhow, while making my bathroom into a spa would be really cool, it’s not exactly on my bucket list to do before death, and it could potentially turn into a total distraction. So here’s the bottom line kids– I mean ladies (and gents if I have them)- Don’t let what you want get in the way of what you desire.
Figuring out what your desires are:
You might be wondering how to figure out what you actually desire. It’s unique to everyone of course and there isn’t a right or wrong answer. I would recommend scheduling some time to actually meditate on this. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself because it will come to you.
First, Take some time to reflect on what you DON’T want. Now be careful not to get stuck here. Think of this as a kind of declutter of your mind, once it’s clear what you don’t want in your life, you can write those things off as unimportant and make room for what truly is important. Write down a few things you dislike/hate/are saddened by/are annoyed about in your life. Then write down what the opposite would be.
Get Specific…but not too specific. Now it’s time to think about what you do desire in life, and it’s important to have a very clear image. Here’s how this works. Instead of saying “Be Successful”, think of what success means to you and how you could live your life in a way that makes you feel successful. Then let’s say you decide your goal is to go to get a job at a specific company. Ask yourself why this company. Is it the prestige? The salary? Maybe it’s the culture, or you happen to have friends there. So to get specific on your desire, instead of saying “Become a manager at The Best Company Ever Inc.” Try- “I have a job where I feel accomplished and am surrounded by supportive and fun people all day!”
But be VERY selective and cut-throat about what your desires are. You can reevaluate every few months or years as you up-level your life. So don’t worry that you don’t have enough on your plate, most people have the opposite problem, so many goals that they don’t end up completing even one.
Say it out loud. This tip may seem trivial but it’s actually a very important step to making desire into reality. When you only dream about doing something it’s a wish, make it a goal. I believe in you. Saying it out loud makes it real, and that’s what scares people. Maybe you’re afraid you’ll look like a fool, maybe you’re not ready for that kind of pressure. But I’m here to tell you from experience, the more you say it out loud the less scary and more realistic it becomes. So even if you start out whispering your desire to yourself in the mirror about that femininity retreat in Cuba, soon enough you’ll be telling your friends how you already purchased your ticket.
Whose desires are they?.. Whose desires are they, really? It’s important to remember that we all have preconceived ideas about who we should be and what we should do with our lives. Ideas projected onto us by society or people close to us based on their own beliefs and fears. These things aren’t necessarily in our best interest. Remember it’s no one’s fault, it’s usually something that was put in place to keep us safe. Kind of like how my dog tries to keep my daughter from getting on the school bus in the morning. But it simply doesn’t serve us or the universe to live out any desires other than our own. So just make sure when you’re deciding what you desire in life, it’s your own voice you’re listening to.
So that’s my tip for today. Of course true and total happiness cannot come from just one change, habit, or exercise. We all need a set of well rounded practices for living our best life. I hope I’ve inspired you to find yours.
-With much love and encouragement, L.C