Bae not doing enough for you? The ONE thing you need to ask yourself

Art night with the kids. I attempted to recreate an art piece I saw at Goodwill that I had wanted to buy but didn’t. Art is so therapeutic.

Hello Gorgeous One😍. Hope you’ve found your day inspirational! So anyway, I’ve had the idea for this post for awhile but the words just hadn’t come to me till now. As with all things written here, this post stems from my own experience. I know how it feels to need to lean on someone and it seems like the one person who you should be able to depend on isn’t there for you. Now don’t get too excited because if you’re on the verge of divorce, this isn’t going to save your marriage or anything like that. Maybe your partner is a total dip shit, or maybe they’re just stressed because they had a death in the family. Either way, while this isn’t going to change who they are, it WILL make you feel better. So here goes. Oh and don’t worry, I’m not gonna start telling you to ask yourself “What am I doing to contribute to the situation” and all that crap that dumbass marriage therapists like to say. Next I’ll be telling you to practice “I feel statements” in the mirror, LMAO. Oh if you’re a marriage therapist, Just kidding… to everyone else (not really kidding).  As a co-dependent I’m like that little kid thinking that the parents divorce was their fault and if only I behaved better or done something right, we wouldn’t be in this situation, then tries to grasp desperately at any kind of control they can get. I sound crazy right? Yeah, life of a co-dependent. All I’ve done most of my life is blame myself so I’m not into telling others to do that. I know how much it hurts. I do believe in taking responsibility for our actions but that’s another post. Soooo to get down to it here is what you need to ask yourself, ready for it??

What have you done for YOURSELF lately??
Simple enough right? And I don’t mean, what have you done for your career, or education, or family. I’m not looking for answers like “focus on my career” or “bought a house the kids can grow up in”. I’m looking for an answer on more of a primal level. What have you done that makes your actual body feel good, and that stimulates your mind in a pleasurable sense. I’m not trying to get sexual here, though obviously that could totally be something you do for yourself, by yourself or with a partner, no judgment here lol. What SOUL FOOD (in a metaphoric sense) have you eaten lately? What are your passions, and how long has it been since you’ve nurtured them. Good questions to ask. Sometimes you’re already living your passions, and it’s just that you need a serious rest, reset, or mental health day.

A reminder to do something fun, from one of my journals.
Let me tell you about my experience with this and you might relate to it, or you might be coming from a totally different space but feel the same way I did. Here it is:
In the month or so leading up to this post I was feeling angry with my husband but for no particular reason. He was doing annoying things for sure, but I could feel my anger growing to an extent that didn’t really fit the crime so to speak, and started to even feel repelled by him. Why wasn’t he doing things I asked, why wasn’t he bringing me on dates, paying attention to me, why wasn’t our life exciting anymore? I felt so uninspired. HELLO make me feel like a natural woman over here, I’m waiting. Then I realized I was in what one life coach I follow, or a few, I don’t remember, calls “waiting energy”. Oh my gosh. That’s unattractive, though being attractive to my husband in my 9th month of pregnancy while I’m dialating isn’t exactly on my priority list. But FEELING GOOD is. So what did I do? Well you know I loooovvveee lists (at least I must have mentioned writing them on here more than once and even have a post dedicated to them). So I wrote one entitled:
“Things to do just for me”

I bought these chocolates as a gift to myself for after I give birth. They are currently in my hospital bag.

and I thought about some simple things I could do, as a woman about to give birth, just to nurture my body and soul. Things from purchasing things to make me feel beautiful, like perfume and body oil, to fixing my laptop so I could write more was on that list. I immediately booked a date with a friend I’ve been wanting to hang with. Spent some time with my parents and had my dad chauffeur me to the fanciest chocolate shop in town. It’s actually amazing how many marital problems seem to dissipate when I choose to take care of myself first and not everyone else. Then I’m not waiting for my husband to take care of me either. This actually has the added bonus of him acting more loving towards me. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that often times a man will treat a woman pretty equally to how she treats herself, so let that be a lesson to you. Believe me, dissecting relationship issues is my hobby, I actually research this stuff, (seriously). Await my relationship coaching days, soon to come😉 lol (most likely, again, seriously). 

Now what about you? Forget about all the relationship, or work, or family drama. Maybe decide to take a whole year off from it. When was the last time you got a massage, even if its just from the massage chair at the mall, you know the one right next to the Cinnabon… Or have your one glam friend give you a makeover and go out for drinks. Maybe you used to love to paint and need to work on a new piece for your home. Or read a new book, or go to a political debate, or spend time in nature. It’s time to refresh woman! I’ll leave you with this quote:
“The heart that loves is always young”
So go out and love the most important person in your life- you.
Don’t forget to leave me a comment and let me know what nourishes you body and soul, xoxox!

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