Goodmorning! Monday again and I have to say that lately I’ve been feeling that my Mondays are a bit hectic. This may have to do with the fact that I tend to leave EVERYTHING to Monday. And that is a habit that needs to stop, like today, lol. I’m not sure how I got to this place where I feel like I have so much to do that I just don’t do anything. My husband has started asking me things like, “Did you make the appointment for our daughter? Did you call for this or that? Did you organize those bills yet?” Believe me there was a time that he never asked because he knew I had it all under control. There was a time I had everything in the house in perfect order. I had a routine, the kids had a chore chart, dinner was planned out. Then I started working. At first I had things worked out somewhat, then it got hectic, then everything went to sh#$. I ended up quitting my job. Things didn’t really get back to how they were before I started working. Then we moved. First to a little room in my sister-in-law’s house, then to our current house. And now here we are. Slowly I feel like I almost gave up, I got to a place where everything starts tomorrow, everyday. Now it’s not necessarily fair to say I gave up on everything. We have done quite a bit in the last year, like move to a new house and start a farm. I started this blog. I’ve also taken a few online courses that I’ve been wanting to take for awhile (more on that later ;D ). I’ve been doing a lot of “inner work” as we like to call it. Working on my insecurities, my relationship, exploring my beliefs, etc.. And I have to say that’s been exhausting, mentally and physically, but also necessary. I am a better parent, even without the chore chart. I have the emotional clarity to better understand the bigger picture behind arguments with my husband. I also feel more at peace. So while I can definitely say I’m in a better place than I was a few years ago, my housekeeping skills are NOT.
Sometimes I read blogs, articles, or even have a conversation with friends, where a person talks lovingly about how their mother used to keep house. How she used to make beautiful meals, decorate elaborately for holidays, how she made their house feel like a home. They don’t often talk about how well she cleaned, but I can pick up from stories and the way they keep house that they are used to well maintained homes. My mother was an excellent housekeeper as well. But I don’t have great memories surrounding it, in fact I’m pretty sure I blocked a lot of it out seeing as how I often times feel at a loss as to how to keep house efficiently. I always saw my mother, while in housekeeping mode, as someone who was overworked, angry, and making me do stuff I didn’t want to do, then yelling at me when I didn’t do it right. One of her favorite lines when I used to tell her I had finished with my chores was “Ok, now what can I have you do?!” then come up with more chores! I laugh at it now, but back then I just learned to take a really long time to do my chores. And I definitely did not inherit my mother’s passion for cleaning walls 3 times a week. Is it because I never saw her take joy in it? I see a lot of women from my mothers generation (born in the 1950’s) who feel like how clean your home is proves your worth as a woman. Not just women actually, but men as well. While it was a different time then, their judgements can really hit a nerve. Has being in the company of women and men with this belief caused me (and maybe a few other women I know) to rebel a bit when it comes to housekeeping? And at the same time make me secretly wish I could keep house like a pro? Then again, don’t we sometimes rebel especially against that which makes us feel insecure? Maybe my order of The Christian Homemaker’s Handbook is telling me that this is actually something that’s important to me. And so let me proclaim my intention to become an avid student of the art of keeping a home. I want my children to love being home and remember it as many of my friends do. As a place that felt beautiful and comforting, a place that felt full of love. And I think that not only good housekeeping but my attitude surrounding it, must have a place in that. I just have to remember that doing it with love for making my family feel good here is what it’s really all about. What are your thoughts?