On being more than I am: who my daughter needs

Inspiration or Doormat ??

I took some pictures of myself this weekend to test out a new tripod I ordered from Amazon, (it sucked, but you can check it out here *not sponsored)

Of course who am I kidding, I also just wanted to take pictures of myself. I’m pretty sure I was a model in another life where 5ft tall curvy (size12) Latinas were the standard of beauty😘. As I edited the pictures and looked for quotes to accompany them for social media posts (everyone does this, right? lol), I ran across this quote.

“If I could give my daughter 3 things it would be: The wisdom to know her self worth. The strength to chase her dreams. The ability to say no to anything in her life that does not bring her happiness.”

We can all agree this is a good quote, whether or not you would add things not mentioned. I thought about how I could do these things. I’m a strong believer in the adage, children will do as you do, not as you say. This means in order to teach her this, I have to BE this. I have to know my self worth, chase my dreams, and say no to anything in life that does not bring me happiness.

Easier said than done.

I realize I was taught that your worth is dependent upon how much you give, and do for others, but that doesn’t mean I have to practically kill myself to do it (which I think is a commonly held belief for women). I also show my worth by how I treat myself.

Do you ever notice how there are people who give and sacrifice of themselves excessively, but no one appreciates them? I think this is because others see these people in one of two ways:

1. Needy. Surprisingly so, but there’s something about them, their need to be liked, their need to get their self worth from others who approve of them, their desperation for appreciation. Clingy or controlling might also be words used to describe them.
2. Doormats. Others don’t see them as worthy people sharing their precious time with the world. They see them as people who are there to be used because that’s just who they are, people think they like it- “My mom loves watching my kids 360 days a year, with no compensation whatsoever, that’s why she does it!”, right?

They lack that thing that makes people feel appreciative, which is the belief that they are worthy regardless of how much of themselves they sacrifice. I think I almost have this self worth thing down.

Chasing my dreams is another story, I’ve gone after my dreams plenty of times, I have the courage to chase them, but not giving up when it gets tough is something I’m not very good at.

While I can handle the usual tough things, like bad days, large workload etc., when it comes to my kids or husband making things difficult I give up right away. I think this has to do with my deeply ingrained self sacrificing beliefs. I need to do what they need me to do, even if it’s really just about their minor discomfort.

The other truth is, I’m never afraid to go after my dreams when I know they are possible, what about those things that I don’t know are possible, something I need to pave the way for? Do I want my children to shrink from ideas that seem too far fetched? I don’t think I do.

This means I need to go after whatever is in my heart, no matter how far fetched I think it is, and if I fail then I show them that failure is part of life and its not going to make or break me.

Saying no to anything in life that does not bring me happiness, well naturally I’m not great at it. I never liked saying no to things…unless it was to myself. I’ve done so many things I don’t want to in the name of being a good wife and mother. But this is something I’ve definitely worked on and I think I’m a better mother now that I do say no to things I don’t want in life. I have more room for love that way.

Having a daughter is difficult because in her you see all your flaws, unmet wishes, and childhood wounds.

I think this causes some women to try to live through their children, its an easy trap to fall into.

Instead this should give us the permission and ambition to show her that we are more than we previously believed, thus inspiring her.

I wrote a poem once and I said that my daughter is me and all my saved up wishes, she is my soul to the hundredth power.

But maybe I got it wrong, maybe I need to be my soul to the hundredth power so that someday she doesn’t have to say “I lived for my mother”, but “I lived for myself”. Someday she can say “I don’t have any saved up wishes, I have lived them all. My mom showed me how”.

She is my strength

Her father my weakness

She is my queen

and I am hers

She is me in another life

She is me and all my saved up wishes

She is my soul to the hundredth power

She is love untainted

She is my daughter

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